I am a rare statistic. I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I am one of the few women that do not fit the profile of a woman with PCOS. The long and short of this diagnosis is that you ovulate at weird times, if at all and your ovaries tend to create little pockets that turn into scar tissue making it extremely hard for an egg to implant. I was 23 years old when I found out I had it and when I was told I may never have children. I was 29 when I got married and a little nervous about any future having children with Ryan.

God is bigger than any diagnosis.

We decided after 5 months of marriage we would pull the plug on birth control methods and see what would happen. Could I ovulate, could we have a baby, what will this almost 30 year old body do?

Make a baby of course!

Yup…first month with our guard down the Lord saw it fit to bless our family with one of the most endearing, clever, smart, imaginative little girls we could have ever prayed for.

Chloe Grace…born November 4, 2006

and now…..a beauty beyond beauty.

Now I had a plan…a very good plan. Have two more children about three years apart. That way I could spend time with each child for a few years without interruption. I thought this was a good plan but the Lord had a better plan. He thought it would be better for us to open our hearts up to a passionate, energetic, hilarious, athletic, and compassionate little boy. Yes…while Chloe was just 9 months old I found out I was pregnant again. We had just celebrated our 2nd anniversary and now we are preparing for a second miracle to enter our lives and hearts and change us forever.

Bennett Wade…born May 3, 2008

and now…..pure stud. This boy has my heart on a string…yes he does.

Now before I go any further in our reproduction journey…haha…that sounds funny. Let me just share some insight into our marriage and business.

There are countless times in our little six year marriage that I thank the Lord on high that Ryan and I were friends for many years way before we crossed into Loversville. When push comes to shove…and let me tell you…we’ve been SHOVED….we have never lost the ability to laugh with one another. I think that has been the glue…that and heartfelt prayer. Anyone who has one child can tell you that the baby becomes the center of your time and attention. As a mother especially you are on duty 24-7. What little time, energy and affection you have at the end of the day you hold precious and dear and selfishly hold on to. It’s hard to ration it out to your spouse.

We started Kellan in March of 2006…the same month we found out about Chloe. The same month the realization that we would no longer have my teaching income after the fall. It was born out of a hobby of photography and a financial need. We had no idea what was going to come of it and I assure you…we never dreamed as big as what has fallen into our laps.

With any small business it requires a LOT. Type-A, business-minded Kelly snapped into gear to get us legally set up and run our customer service front while Ryan established our public front. Together we created what has evolved into our “signature” Kellan style. It sounds so simple when you type it out in one sentence. What you can’t see are the years and years of strain on our marriage. Ryan working full time, me a full time mom of two little ones working a full time job out of our home office. The year Bennett was born we shot 25 weddings and 20 personal sessions. YUP…..that’s almost half a years weekends out the door while breastfeeding. How did we do it?

Well we survived…we did not thrive.

What took the biggest hit was our marriage. We thought we wanted full time photography. We thought this is what the Lord was leading us to…after all we were starting to blow up…wasn’t that a sign. NOPE. That was just good business sense…but it wasn’t a fit for our family. We were growing so far apart after just three years of marriage. My partner, my best friend, my husband. We co-existed under one roof….laughter and prayer barely holding us together.

Then the final straw.

November 21, 2008….just six months after Bennett was born. I thought I was having the worst menstrual cycle of my life. For hours I writhed around on my bed in some of the worst pain of my life. I kept telling Ryan “I feel like I am in labor”. I won’t tell you the awfulness that came out of me. I can only thank the Lord for my utter ignorance of what was truly happening. I was miscarrying our third child. A child we didn’t even know existed. One that was conceived while we were shooting 25 weddings, raising and infant and toddler and barely holding on. A baby we will only ever know in the heavenlies. It was over before we even knew he existed. We named the baby Jory Lee “God will uplift and heal”.

It was at that point we knew what we needed to do. Trust the Lord with our finances and back off Kellan. Stop letting this business run us and start to run it! We cut back on our bookings, said no, changed our marketing strategy and got marriage counseling from our beloved pastor. I can only tell you that 2009 was a year of great healing for us. Ryan and I found one another again. God also blessed our SOCKS off by giving Ryan one of the coolest jobs on the planet. He became the full time commercial photographer for the prestigious leather company, Moore and Giles Inc. He gets to use his camera every day. He gets to create AND he gets a paycheck and insurance…SCORE for family!

We took a very conscious and cautious break from getting pregnant in order to continue healing and gaining back precious ground that was stolen in our family. It was a good season. In spring of 2010 we started discussing finishing off our family. We’ve always wanted three children and heck…might as well tackle it sooner than later. Well as God’s sense of humor would have it…..the month we started tossing around the idea…..you guessed it….little Rhett was firmly implanted in his little 9 month incubator. I can’t tell you the sheer joy and peace we felt at the timing of this little wonder. After such a season of stress and great grief…this was our season of celebration and joy. The Giver of Life had blessed us yet again. Let me take you on a little belly journey. At 5’2” you can only look not pregnant for so long.

12 week mini bump

13 weeks

16 weeks

18 weeks

19 weeks (Photo by the wonderful Adam Barnes)

24 weeks

28 week (photoshoot by the incredible Sara Ernst )

34 weeks

38.5 weeks- good golly that’s a pale belly. These were with Ryan so we were messing around.

39.5 weeks-drink it in…it is glorious. The day before induction

So if you are still hanging in on this journey then we are getting to the part where I get Rhett OUT of me. This pregnancy was a doozy. I mean puking every day 1st trimester only to be revisited by it again 3rd trimester, a trip to the ER with a kidney stone, and just for kicks and giggles…the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy I had pre-term labor. For those ignorant of that little gem, that means you are contracting daily….so much so I had not one, but TWO false alarms to the hospital because the contractions were 2 mins. apart; an emotional and physical roller coaster. Because I was over 4 cm. dilated and 80% effaced by 39 weeks I was a great candidate to be induced a few days early and not have to sweat it out any longer. I’ve never been induced so I can only tell you my story….and I LOVED IT!

I’ve always been a wait and see kinda girl about labor. I’m not looking to win a trophy by going natural but I also never hopped right on meds either. I was all about going as far as I wanted to naturally and then waving my white flag when I was done “laboring”. With both Chloe and Bennett I got to 7 cm and then threw in the towel. Two great experiences. Being induced I had no idea what to expect. All I knew is I was sick of LABORING for 5 weeks.

I made my decision pretty quickly after I was checked and was already 5cm. when I entered the hospital. I was going to get my pitocin and my epidural at the same time. Everyone who sees my hospital pictures comments about how I am smiling and laughing the whole time. You’re darn skippy I was! I didn’t feel a darn thing. NOT. ONE. CONTRACTION. I had a blast with Ryan, my mom, my friend Amy Martin who came to photograph the birth, and our AWESOME L&D nurse, Amber. It was the party room for sure.

After 4.5 hours I was 10 cm. dilated and ready to push. I could not believe how fast things progressed. We were just minutes away from meeting this precious boy. When I say minutes I mean minutes. I actually crowned on my FIRST push. They literally had to hold him in so the doctor could run down the hall and get in just in time to deliver me.

On my second push I was able to reach down and pull the most perfect baby out and up onto my chest. I am pretty sure I heard trumpets sound and angels applaud. It was the most PEACEFUL, easy labor and delivery. There staring me in the face with his GIGANTIC eyes (all of our babies have huge eyeballs!) was our little Rhett Anderson.

He cried for a few seconds and then he literally smiled at me and showed us who he was. A little messenger of peace. He has the most calm and sweet demeanor. Literally everyone in the room could not get over how alert and placid his disposition was.

8lbs. and 4 oz. of perfect boy.

To truly understand how amazing this experience was…you have to watch this 2-minute video. These photos were taken by our dear friend Amy Martin who came to document the completion of our family. She did an incredible job capturing the mood of the day. Video HERE. All births are miracles. Words fall short to explain the surreal and mind blowing process God carved out for a woman to sustain and deliver life into the world. I am very privileged to do this three times and I will never forget how blessed I am as I have so many friends that struggle greatly with fertility.

So here we are. A family of five figuring things out. We aren’t in any semblance of a rhythm. I am insanely sleep deprived. The older two are driving me nuts with their fighting and whining. But man…what a life we have. Ryan and I marvel at our journey to this point. Where our marriage has dipped and then set back on a high place. We are far from perfect…but we are so aware of all that God has redeemed over the last few years and we sit with grateful hearts in this little cottage we live in.

Rhett is holding steady at 7.5 weeks of barely crying and being the easiest baby in the world to read. I literally forget he is around most of the day because he is so non-demanding of me.

We are blessed. Enjoy a few more photos of his first 7 weeks on this earth starting with his 5 day old photoshoot by Sara Ernst.

one week old

two weeks old

three weeks old

7 weeks old- all smiles and awesomeness

Thanks for reading, thanks for caring.

To God be the Glory.

A-I am not the first to make these, nor is this the only way
B-I craft like I cook and sew…..very little measuring or precision….just a “go with the gut and wing it” kinda girl.
C-I welcome all comments on how to do this better for others to learn from
D-This is not rocket science but my tutorial may come across confusing…I’m sorry

With that said….let’s jump in!

Step 1: Gather Tools- (Truly the pen and the straight edge measurer are just for looks for me. I have no intention of using them but if you are anal about measurements…..USE THEM!) I have selective analness…..like my pillows always have to be straight on the couch…..cutting crafting paper in half…I just wing it! HAHA….good start to my tutorial right?

Step 2: Gather Supplies- BIG HUGE IMPORTANT DETAIL….when making the OVERSIZED 12 inch diameter pinwheels you need TWO sheets of the 12 inch scrapbook paper. Buy duplicates or scrapbook packets that have multiples. A package of 12 inch long dowels. A spool of twine. Oversized buttons. These happen to be ones I pressed and cut from polymere clay…but any kind will do. (Yes be impressed by me for a moment) I don’t iron my shirts, but I make my own buttons. I don’t get me either!

Step 3: Cut Strips and Fold Accordion Style- I recommend lining the patterns up on your two sheets of paper and folding or “measuring” them in half and cut in the same direction so your pattern continues end to end to end to end for 48 inches! Stack all 4 strips on top of each other and fold in either a 1/4, 1/2 or 1 inch bend. If you are making multiple pinwheels it looks really cool varying the fold width. (**Note…have glue gun plugged in so it is ready to roll shortly)

Step 4: Staple or use permanent adhesive squares. (Use a discrete amount of staples). Staple all the way around until you make a full circle. The accordion will stand upright like a lampshade. This is where it gets very tricky to lay the paper design side down. You need to “manhandle” it and show it whose boss. I kid you not. That thing will spring up in your face and cause great frustration.

Step 5: Flatten Pinwheel/Insert Dowel- With one hand you need to hold it steady while you get your glue gun ready. The dowel is the KEY to the stability of the pinwheel. One this large does not want to lay flat without the extra support, especially if you are using them outside and wind is involved. You will thank me later!

Step 6: Glue the snot out of it- You will win no prizes for aesthetic reasons on the backside of your pinwheel….but you will have a sturdy pinwheel in the end. If you really want to go the extra step you could cut out a 12 inch wide circle and glue it flat over the back to cover up all the mish mash of adherent.

Step 7: Glue on Button- put a lot of extra glue on the center point under the button as well as on the back of the button and hold firmly for a good 1-2 minutes until glue is absolutely cooled.

Step 8: Hang up and Enjoy- I just hole punched and added twine. I’ve shown you two lovely background choices for mine.

It is really easy to string multiples like we did for the One Little Dove Shoot.

You can also make your large pinwheels have babies very easily.

I ended up cutting mini strips of the same paper I used in the large pinwheels to make varying size “mini’s” for Chloe’s 4th b-day party. Gluing a toothpick as a dowel and an additional toothpick as a poker…they made adorable cupcake toppers!

There is also a beautiful tutorial on Style Me Pretty that you may find useful as well. Similar methods…but some varying steps.

There you have it! Hope that was helpful. I would love to see pictures if you attempt it. Be prepared for a little bit of a learning curve so don’t waste your favorite paper on the first one!

ENJOY!!!

A long legged beauty with dimples, unending imaginary play and deep thoughts has emerged. I wrote a sentimental post last year with lots of pictures of her growing up for anyone wanting to see her transformation from rolly polly Chloe to this brunette stunner.

Instead of lamenting about the past I sit here today with eager anticipation for the future. I can hardly believe the thoughts this child has about the world, God and others. She has a way of articulating her feelings or creating magical worlds of fairies, princesses, and unicorns that astound me. She is both highly literal and yet uber abstract and creative. From sentence to sentence I have no idea what will tumble out of her mouth or what she will plead for me to role play with her.

For anyone who has watched the “Anne of Green Gables” series you would have a good grasp on what Chloe is like. One on one she will talk your ear off and invite you into her world. In a crowd she can be a social coin toss from indifferent to charming. I’m realizing the older she gets the more she is a quality time/one on one child. Crowds overwhelm her fast and cause her to retreat. It’s been an interesting process as a parent to accept each child you are given…quirks and all…and embrace the dynamic they do bring into the family. Chloe and I are quite different. She is so much like Ryan it is scary at times….but man do I love and adore this little wonder. My Chloe, my only girl.

Although Chloe asked for a birthday party that included such things as “purple, pink, glitter, princesses, rainbows, hearts, stars, and unicorns.” I exercised my right as her mom to trump her requests for a party where a craft store exploded all over the walls and decided to revisit my oversized pinwheels I made for the One Little Dove Shoot. I know I have precious few years where I can take the wheel on themes and so I ran with the pinwheel one again.

This time I made miniature pinwheels for the cupcakes to mimic the larger ones on the wall. By far, the mini’s are MUCH more tedious and difficult to make than the large pinwheels. I felt like I was going to have blisters all over my hands from the glue gun for days. They came out adorable even if four year olds can’t come close to appreciating their aesthetic.

My mom played resident nail stylist for all our princesses that arrived at the party.

My niece painted faces.

Chloe waiting patiently for her nails to be done.

Decorating door hangers.

Getting ready for cupcakes and singing.

Ignore my crazy expression.

Presents!

One of her presents for her birthday was a special afternoon out at my friends farm. There are two horses taking up residence there. I figure if I can’t give my daughter her favorite mythical creature of a unicorn, I can certainly let her frolick with some horses! SHE WAS IN HEAVEN!!!! Kid in a candy store.

Can I say that she donated over 12 inches of this amazing hair a few weeks ago to Locks of Love. So proud of her but man do I miss that gorgeous mane!

She felt SOOOO old leading the pony into his stall.

The best!!! Nail polish for horse hooves, hilarious.

Working out in the exercise pen.

My carefree, magical beauty. I can’t wait to see what this year has in store for her.

This is Daisy, she is another gorgeous blue-eyed beauty that makes a few cameo shots!

There are glimpses of a carefree teenager in there.

I kind of love this shot Ryan snagged when he was changing lenses. I’m sure it isn’t the first or last time anyone has done this, but it is intriguing nonetheless.

So what has turned out to be one of our favorite shots of the year was a total and utter collaborative “what if” moment. I saw this random two foot dead patch of feathery weeds. It called out to me “Kelly…..USE ME!” I told Ryan we needed to use these weeds somehow. Natalia was game to lay her head in the rapidly shedding and flecking dried up weeds. I broke off some branches and laid them around her face, Ryan executed the shot and VOILA!!!! She looks like a fairy princess emerging from the ground. There is so much depth and the intensity of her eyes just sucks you in You would never know she is laying in this tiny patch of weeds in a horse pasture in broad day light. LOVE IT!

Another spin on it.

Last outfit change of the evening….rapidly falling temperatures.

I promise, she really does have a light side to her she is just so dang amazing at doing the intense poses and looks.

We set up some lighting at sunset to round out the night under this awesome tree.

I love with this next series. I wanted some movement and freedom. She was a jumping queen for us! Go Talia!

Did you have to remind yourself over and over SIXTEEN AND A HALF????? I can’t wait to see what 17 brings for out next shoot! Amazing job Natalia, we love you!

Sara and Todd have become some of our favorite people to hang out with. We laugh ourselves silly and yet have always enjoyed meaty conversations about marriage, family and the Lord. We just love them and can’t say enough about the stellar character of this couple.

We knew she was up for a real challenge with our two gems. Bennett can be fairly cooperative with the camera but Chloe is flat out disinterested in anything having to do with photos. It is beyond frustrating to take photos of them. After 2 years of Bennett being around we still never managed to get one photo of the two of them together. I kid you not. You will see Sara’s brilliance literally emerge through these photographs as she worked her magic and broke through their stubborn disinterest and pulled out some amazing candids and some fabulous posed shots. Enjoy the two greatest things we have ever done.

Not the most enthused about photos being done.

The picture of cooperation.

slightly better

Success

One money shot of both looking and BOTH smiling. It is Portnoy history. I was hoping for one and we got it! Sarah and Cookie the dog on her head were a magical team.

We tried to recreate a picture that Ryan’s brother shot almost three years ago. It is blown up in our house and one of my favorites!

Unfortunately, Chloe managed to be a Class A Poophead and not cooperate. Okay, I’ll admit, it is kinda funny and really adorable.

Because we can and it is glorious.

Time to wrangle them into their next outfit change. As if it wasn’t hot enough.

I’m going to break you into the cuteness a little at a time.

Yes, she is 3.5 and her hair is that amazing. This kid is follicley blessed.

A moment of sharing, this is definitely worth documenting.

I’m obviously unaware of the next photo. This is the major inside joke between us and Sara. She used to have a Facebook profile picture that was sorta squatted down like this. When we were taking their pictures in the fall Ryan kept leaning down like this taking shots to make them laugh and poke fun at Sarah. His four foot long legs look like a praying mantis so somehow along the way of joking the move got coined as “The Pantis”. Now Sara and Todd refer to us as the Pantis’s. There, now you are in the loop, don’t you feel special?

Love this one of Bennett

I have to end with these last two because they make me smile and laugh and thank the Lord I got a girl! She is obsessed with wearing my heels and is amazingly coordinated at wearing them around even on brick!

Sara, I could never do what you do and these were my kids. Your patience, humor and encouragement during the hours we spent together were incredible. You are so insanely dear to us. We love you and Todd so much and look forward to the next double date with you guys. This time, don’t get all dramatic and break your foot again :-)

Looking back at these last 3 and a half years of children, I see a woman who has grown in so many ways. You took on a challenge that you didn’t know you could pull off. I know you doubt yourself. I know you have fears. I know you feel inadequate, but I want you to know that I could not have hand-picked a better woman to raise our children. God knew what he was doing and I thank Him for you I admire you. I want to be like you. I love you.

I felt it only fitting to begin our series on our Miami trip with the brilliant lyrical stylings of Will Smith. I mean does it get any more descriptive than that opening? To fully get in the mood, listen here. I had to chuckle when our friend Adam, emailed to see how our trip was and included the video in his email. Oh man…time-warp back to the year I graduated COLLEGE!!! 1998 for you not savvy with Mr. Smith’s hits.

So let’s get to the teaser first before we dive into the Portnoy family album.

We are super duper pumped to share Michele and Kenley’s wedidng with you all. But as traveling for almost a week would have it….there are a million logistical duties requiring our time and attention first. To appease your ravenous appetites for spring loveliness….take a bite out of these gems.

The STUNNING Michele.

There is more where that came from. Check back in a few days for a full report.

On to some highlights from our trip. We built in two extra days to relax and recuperate from traveling. I’m gonna say it. As beautiful as Miami is, it is not a fit for our interests. I know…gasp….we are not “party till the break of dawn” people which is definitely the theme of this city. Although I could laze away my days on the beach reading….Ryan, being all Irish and such…prefers to keep the sun to a minimal. We had some excellent recommendations (Thank you Crystal!) for food and places to site see, so that took up most of our time. It was SOOOOO nice not to have a laptop in our faces or kids tugging on us. We could come and go as we pleased, totally awesome!

After being in the city for about an hour we headed to an amazing Haitian restaurant called Tap Tap. I was very proud of Ryan for spreading his palette wings and trying new things. Both of us were pleased with our dishes. I ate everything but the plate. I also indulged in Zagat’s #1 rated Mojito in Miami….YUM!

Fried Plantains

Deep in thought or filming a Cymbalta commercial…you be the judge.

We did walk on the beach.

Took in the Art Deco district.

Picked up the kids some cheap stuff. We indulged Bennett’s fascination for cars.

Speaking of cars…how was this for a rental upgrade? PEEEEEIMP!

We even snuck in an afternoon matinee of Alice and Wonderland in 3D….MATINEE on a Saturday people…we were living LARGE!!!!

Hit up Anthropologie….deep breath. Scored fuchsia tights on sale and an adorable dish towel. (we were over our weight limit on our luggage. Literally and figuratively could not afford to buy anything). I would love to do a photo shoot in Anthropologie, detail heaven.

Our last night we indulged in some Cuban food.

Empanadas!!! That tasty delight on the right was a steak, avocado, and roasted potato salad. Oh yeah, I had a food baby going after the last bite. Jeans were a bad idea.

So there you have it. A couple snippets into our long weekend in Miami. Nothing earth shattering but good none the less. Adios!

I have been trying so hard to keep the paci tucked away for as much of the day as possible, but there are some days I can’t bear the whining and the begging. Today was one of those days. Unlike a nice, compassionate mother who would heed to his cry for relief and soothing, I pulled the camera out. Join me on the journey will you?

This is Bennett “Shakespeare” Portnoy, what a looker.

This is Bennett happy, putting out the vibe while organizing his cars. So happy, carefree, what could be wrong?

But wait…Bennett just remembered he hasn’t cried in the last five minutes.

But “Curious George” is on and he would have to break away to do his full on tantrum for his paci. Bennett is rocking his “grouper mouth” as Ryan calls it. I am sure you think we are horrible parents for all our nicknames. We do it behind their backs so it is okay. (wink!)

Yup it is worth missing George, my teeth hurt. “PAHHHHHHCI over dere” ( I would like it to be known he was sitting on my legs and I was laying on my back holding the camera up in the air hoping I was in focus….jackpot!)

“PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!”

“PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!”

“Over DERE!!!!!”

“MAMA (whimpering begins)”

Wait for it

Wait for it

Wait for it

There it is

and here come the real tears

Before you send hate mail, I did put the camera down and give him his paci…but these gems are priceless to look back on! I mean if you knew how many times a day this little routine played out you would actually feel sorry for me.

On a lighter note I do think I should get an award for creating the most ghetto craft ever! Chloe asked if she could be a unicorn like her favorite stuffed animal. Unicorn…right….okay…..construction paper, tape, scissors, how hard can it be?

Kids will wear ANYTHING!!! I could not stop laughing at them and they loved it! I would also like you to know that the elastic on their heads was cut from the fetal monitor straps I kept after labor thinking “This is good elastic, I should keep this.” I consider it tipping my hat to the earth today and living green. HAHA…man I am the farthest thing from green but I did laugh at my “recycling” today.

At least one kid was in a good mood today.

What a goob…love her!

There you go…that is the art of crying by Bennett! Hope you enjoyed spending the morning with us. If you see Bennett sitting on the curb with a bow on his head, now you know what you are getting in to!

Jeremy is a master of off camera lighting, Photoshop, and truly a photojournalist (I hate how that term is tossed around in the photography industry). His bodies of work are along two distinctively different veins, the “haves” and the “have nots”. Carrie Underwood one day and Africa the next. He has had two books published documenting his travels overseas including my personal favorite, Hope in the Dark.

I will say it, I came on board with Jeremy only because of Ryan. Ryan has been following Jeremy since his graphic and web design days….long before he was the official tour photographer for Brittany Spears. Ryan is a true blue loyal fan of Jeremy’s work.

I am a fan of Jeremy’s heart (and so is Ry). He loves him some Jesus and he has an extreme soft spot for those in the world that are “the least of these”. He is passionate to tell the stories of those who can not do it for themselves, to bring humanitarian relief, medical care, and love. THIS, my friends, is worth taking a moments pause. THIS is what makes my heart race and my pulse quicken. THIS is using gifts to bless others in eternal ways.

So that is Jeremy. He’s pretty radicalmungo!

Back to the workshop. This was Ryan and my first time attending a photography workshop. We were pretty pumped that it was generic in the sense that it wasn’t wedding-focused. Don’t get me wrong, we can talk shop about weddings all day but we know we won’t be doing that forever, let us just learn more about the scope of photography. We sat in a room with 18 other photographers, some just starting, some seasoned in their field. Jeremy’s theme was simple and yet profound, “What is your passion?”

The first night Jeremy walked us through his journey growing up exploring the creative arts. He also took us through his entire website critiquing his own work and telling stories about certain celebrities or breaking down the way he lights things. Apparently, Jeremy and I were surfing the same wavelength because in a room full of 20 people you could hear my nasally chuckle on and off for two hours. Me and ONLY me was laughing at his commentary. What can I say, I am a sucker for dry, self-deprecating humor!

The next day was full of lighting knowledge as we watched Jeremy work with four models lighting things off-camera and with natural lighting. We watched how his direction, posing, and composition come together. Each of us gleaning little nuggets of wisdom from a master. Then it was our turn to work with the models and for his assistant to come around and let us lock into some off-camera lighting. We had an hour and then we had to pick three photos to be projected on a MASSIVE wall and critiqued.

Cue nervous sweat and poo cramps. OH MAN…I don’t care how many comments we receive, how many fans on FB or Twitter followers….you are your own worst critic. We always chuckle when people sing our praises (although very much appreciated!!) If you think we are big fish then you clearly don’t know how big the pond is! To have a little piece of your soul projected 20 feet by 12 feet on a wall is humbling.

******HONESTY ALERT******

I, Kelly Portnoy, have never shot in manual until the Jeremy Cowart workshop. For those of you non-photographers reading you could care less about that statement. For those of you photographers reading you may have gasped a little.

I mean REALLY…and you call yourself a professional? Yup, darn skippy I do.

I remember clearly listening to a photography GIANT, Cliff Mauntner speak on the showroom floor at WPPI last year bagging on photography snobs that say you HAVE to shoot on manual. He confessed he doesn’t shoot manual all the time and he is known as one of the top ten wedding photographers in THE WORLD! It’s the end product we are going for and there are a gazillion ways to achieve that. So what if I shoot aperture value or shudder priority. I achieve what I am going for.

BUT, I confess…I am a parasitical photographer of Ryan’s skills. We joke that Ryan has technology autism. Me, not so much. He can read a manual folks (gag) and digest and retain all that he reads. I am visual ALLLLL the way. Show me, let me see what you are talking about, practice it, (cue lightbulb) AHA! That is how I learn and that is how I have been learning all along the way. Organically! Truthfully, I have felt insecure though not being able to shoot in manual. I wanted to understand the camera more and be able to troubleshoot lighting situations without my little nerd husband (said lovingly) being there to bail me out if I got stuck. It was important to me. I decided for 2010 I was going manual, not that I won’t have a fling or two on the side with AV and TV….but I was going to show my camera who was boss. Own it baby!

So here we go….I am in a group with four other ladies and given a professional model to work with. Lacey was incredible! Sweet as the day is long. I don’t know who I felt more sorry for, her or me. It was 5:1 ratio and her name was being yelled every two seconds to look here or there, act this way or that. It is very hard to grab a shot or frame up a shot when you are literally on top of another photographer doing the same thing. Five vultures on a fresh piece of meat.

Example: I do not lie…this was the reality

I took my time, talking myself through my settings and just went for it on manual. This is what I came up with during my time with Lacey and the vultures (I LOVED the ladies I was with).

This is where I will say my epiphany happened. I really really love photographing women. Figuring out feminine angles and body language. I love pulling the vulnerability and inner beauty out. I love processing with soft, vintage tones, this is ME in photo form. This is where I want to continue to go.

Transitioning outside.

The windows she was just leaning against acted as the most amazing reflector when we brought her further into the courtyard. None of these next photos were shot with a flash.

So then we moved into this very cool restaurant with awesome blue glass walls aptly called Sapphire. This is what the room looked like without any lighting whatsoever.

CONFESSION #2!!! Here is the moment folks, the first time I locked into off-camera lighting. Besides running a sharpening action, these are right out of camera.
Ryan is the only one who uses off-camera when we shoot receptions or portraits. I stick with my external flash. Ignorance is bliss or is it?

Loved using it! It was great practicing with it. I also enjoyed going back to Jeremy’s studio and watching him use these insane octobanks showing us how to balance off camera lighting. He immediately showed us frame by frame what each shot looked like as more lighting was added and moved around. Visual Kelly grabbed on immediately…AHA!

So then came the critique time. Both Ryan and I were fairly unscathed with just minor criticisms of our post processing and composition. Jeremy was gentle.

There is so much more but this post is enormous and I haven’t even addressed what is ahead for Kellan. We learned a lot while we were there, mostly subtle things about our business future. We had 9 hours in the car to discuss what was on our heart about Kellan and our passions. Where were we going and shy and how does this affect our marriage, our children, Ryan’s full-time job.

Most people do not realize that this is not a full-time gig for us and there are no plans for it going full time. Although we have been blown away by what the Lord has done with Kellan in 3.5 years we also learned the hard way in 2008 that pursuing wedding photography full time is not a fit for us. We have such a young family and plan on adding one more freakishly large child to the crew in the near future. We have only been married for 4.5 years and rather enjoy being together at home. Ryan was blessed with an AMAZING day job as a commercial photographer and web designer for a SAHWEET leather design company, Moore and Giles Inc. He gets to use his camera skills almost daily and loves it!

We drastically backed off on bookings in 2009 to just two weddings/month and for 2010 we backed off even more to one wedding/ month (with the exception of Oct and July). Our priority is our marriage and family and because of that we have had to make the choice to conscientiously step back from the wedding industry, get really darn picky about our clients and travel at a rate that fits our family. If you are one of our 2010 clients then pat yourself on the back, you made the cut! HA! I think we are going to get even more stingy about 2011.

We will never regret putting our marriage and children first and walking away from a lot of success that was handed to us so quickly. This is what is right for US, this is our conviction and what we feel clearly the Lord is showing us to do.

We learned we are passionate about making “pretty” photos. That may sound elementary but you have to understand how fickle this industry is. You can literally sell your first born to keep up with equipment. Editing trends come and go like the tide. Lighting options are endless. Finding your voice in an industry that is SATURATED is very difficult to do. The bottom line is we are paid very well by our clients and they should get our best. What will always be timeless and something we are proud of, especially when working with mostly brides is pretty photos. Photos that make you say “OOOOOHHHHHHH”. We want women, brides and couples to see our photos and say, THAT is how I have always dreamed of being photographed. This is what we want to be known for, that is where we feel we are approaching but want to push ourselves even farther.

I hope you have enjoyed a little voyage into my brain and back again. We hope to continue to encourage and inspire those who are fair-weathered voyeurs of our work and to those budding photographers looking for advice or seasoned vets that sharpen us in the industry. Thanks for 3.5 years of love, support and patience as we continually learn to grow in our craft.

In the meantime, please keep up with us through our often witty and sometimes melodramatic twitters at:
kellyportnoy and ryanportnoy (very clever, we know!) Or you can go to the cute little blue bird on the home page, right-hand column and click on our latest tweet.

Also, we have never pushed our Facebook fanpage on our website but if you are a Facebook junkie than please come and get connected to us here. There is a junior higher in all of us waiting to be affirmed in every public forum. Let us sit with you at the lunch table, will you?

Have a very Merry Christmas and New Year. We are so thankful for the incredible brides and grooms we have had the privilege to work with this year. By far, the best year ever! We can’t wait to recap some favorite moments in the Besties. Stay tuned!!

Because Jesus was born,

Kelly, Ryan, Chloe and Bennett!!