I am a rare statistic. I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I am one of the few women that do not fit the profile of a woman with PCOS. The long and short of this diagnosis is that you ovulate at weird times, if at all and your ovaries tend to create little pockets that turn into scar tissue making it extremely hard for an egg to implant. I was 23 years old when I found out I had it and when I was told I may never have children. I was 29 when I got married and a little nervous about any future having children with Ryan.

God is bigger than any diagnosis.

We decided after 5 months of marriage we would pull the plug on birth control methods and see what would happen. Could I ovulate, could we have a baby, what will this almost 30 year old body do?

Make a baby of course!

Yup…first month with our guard down the Lord saw it fit to bless our family with one of the most endearing, clever, smart, imaginative little girls we could have ever prayed for.

Chloe Grace…born November 4, 2006

and now…..a beauty beyond beauty.

Now I had a plan…a very good plan. Have two more children about three years apart. That way I could spend time with each child for a few years without interruption. I thought this was a good plan but the Lord had a better plan. He thought it would be better for us to open our hearts up to a passionate, energetic, hilarious, athletic, and compassionate little boy. Yes…while Chloe was just 9 months old I found out I was pregnant again. We had just celebrated our 2nd anniversary and now we are preparing for a second miracle to enter our lives and hearts and change us forever.

Bennett Wade…born May 3, 2008

and now…..pure stud. This boy has my heart on a string…yes he does.

Now before I go any further in our reproduction journey…haha…that sounds funny. Let me just share some insight into our marriage and business.

There are countless times in our little six year marriage that I thank the Lord on high that Ryan and I were friends for many years way before we crossed into Loversville. When push comes to shove…and let me tell you…we’ve been SHOVED….we have never lost the ability to laugh with one another. I think that has been the glue…that and heartfelt prayer. Anyone who has one child can tell you that the baby becomes the center of your time and attention. As a mother especially you are on duty 24-7. What little time, energy and affection you have at the end of the day you hold precious and dear and selfishly hold on to. It’s hard to ration it out to your spouse.

We started Kellan in March of 2006…the same month we found out about Chloe. The same month the realization that we would no longer have my teaching income after the fall. It was born out of a hobby of photography and a financial need. We had no idea what was going to come of it and I assure you…we never dreamed as big as what has fallen into our laps.

With any small business it requires a LOT. Type-A, business-minded Kelly snapped into gear to get us legally set up and run our customer service front while Ryan established our public front. Together we created what has evolved into our “signature” Kellan style. It sounds so simple when you type it out in one sentence. What you can’t see are the years and years of strain on our marriage. Ryan working full time, me a full time mom of two little ones working a full time job out of our home office. The year Bennett was born we shot 25 weddings and 20 personal sessions. YUP…..that’s almost half a years weekends out the door while breastfeeding. How did we do it?

Well we survived…we did not thrive.

What took the biggest hit was our marriage. We thought we wanted full time photography. We thought this is what the Lord was leading us to…after all we were starting to blow up…wasn’t that a sign. NOPE. That was just good business sense…but it wasn’t a fit for our family. We were growing so far apart after just three years of marriage. My partner, my best friend, my husband. We co-existed under one roof….laughter and prayer barely holding us together.

Then the final straw.

November 21, 2008….just six months after Bennett was born. I thought I was having the worst menstrual cycle of my life. For hours I writhed around on my bed in some of the worst pain of my life. I kept telling Ryan “I feel like I am in labor”. I won’t tell you the awfulness that came out of me. I can only thank the Lord for my utter ignorance of what was truly happening. I was miscarrying our third child. A child we didn’t even know existed. One that was conceived while we were shooting 25 weddings, raising and infant and toddler and barely holding on. A baby we will only ever know in the heavenlies. It was over before we even knew he existed. We named the baby Jory Lee “God will uplift and heal”.

It was at that point we knew what we needed to do. Trust the Lord with our finances and back off Kellan. Stop letting this business run us and start to run it! We cut back on our bookings, said no, changed our marketing strategy and got marriage counseling from our beloved pastor. I can only tell you that 2009 was a year of great healing for us. Ryan and I found one another again. God also blessed our SOCKS off by giving Ryan one of the coolest jobs on the planet. He became the full time commercial photographer for the prestigious leather company, Moore and Giles Inc. He gets to use his camera every day. He gets to create AND he gets a paycheck and insurance…SCORE for family!

We took a very conscious and cautious break from getting pregnant in order to continue healing and gaining back precious ground that was stolen in our family. It was a good season. In spring of 2010 we started discussing finishing off our family. We’ve always wanted three children and heck…might as well tackle it sooner than later. Well as God’s sense of humor would have it…..the month we started tossing around the idea…..you guessed it….little Rhett was firmly implanted in his little 9 month incubator. I can’t tell you the sheer joy and peace we felt at the timing of this little wonder. After such a season of stress and great grief…this was our season of celebration and joy. The Giver of Life had blessed us yet again. Let me take you on a little belly journey. At 5’2” you can only look not pregnant for so long.

12 week mini bump

13 weeks

16 weeks

18 weeks

19 weeks (Photo by the wonderful Adam Barnes)

24 weeks

28 week (photoshoot by the incredible Sara Ernst )

34 weeks

38.5 weeks- good golly that’s a pale belly. These were with Ryan so we were messing around.

39.5 weeks-drink it in…it is glorious. The day before induction

So if you are still hanging in on this journey then we are getting to the part where I get Rhett OUT of me. This pregnancy was a doozy. I mean puking every day 1st trimester only to be revisited by it again 3rd trimester, a trip to the ER with a kidney stone, and just for kicks and giggles…the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy I had pre-term labor. For those ignorant of that little gem, that means you are contracting daily….so much so I had not one, but TWO false alarms to the hospital because the contractions were 2 mins. apart; an emotional and physical roller coaster. Because I was over 4 cm. dilated and 80% effaced by 39 weeks I was a great candidate to be induced a few days early and not have to sweat it out any longer. I’ve never been induced so I can only tell you my story….and I LOVED IT!

I’ve always been a wait and see kinda girl about labor. I’m not looking to win a trophy by going natural but I also never hopped right on meds either. I was all about going as far as I wanted to naturally and then waving my white flag when I was done “laboring”. With both Chloe and Bennett I got to 7 cm and then threw in the towel. Two great experiences. Being induced I had no idea what to expect. All I knew is I was sick of LABORING for 5 weeks.

I made my decision pretty quickly after I was checked and was already 5cm. when I entered the hospital. I was going to get my pitocin and my epidural at the same time. Everyone who sees my hospital pictures comments about how I am smiling and laughing the whole time. You’re darn skippy I was! I didn’t feel a darn thing. NOT. ONE. CONTRACTION. I had a blast with Ryan, my mom, my friend Amy Martin who came to photograph the birth, and our AWESOME L&D nurse, Amber. It was the party room for sure.

After 4.5 hours I was 10 cm. dilated and ready to push. I could not believe how fast things progressed. We were just minutes away from meeting this precious boy. When I say minutes I mean minutes. I actually crowned on my FIRST push. They literally had to hold him in so the doctor could run down the hall and get in just in time to deliver me.

On my second push I was able to reach down and pull the most perfect baby out and up onto my chest. I am pretty sure I heard trumpets sound and angels applaud. It was the most PEACEFUL, easy labor and delivery. There staring me in the face with his GIGANTIC eyes (all of our babies have huge eyeballs!) was our little Rhett Anderson.

He cried for a few seconds and then he literally smiled at me and showed us who he was. A little messenger of peace. He has the most calm and sweet demeanor. Literally everyone in the room could not get over how alert and placid his disposition was.

8lbs. and 4 oz. of perfect boy.

To truly understand how amazing this experience was…you have to watch this 2-minute video. These photos were taken by our dear friend Amy Martin who came to document the completion of our family. She did an incredible job capturing the mood of the day. Video HERE. All births are miracles. Words fall short to explain the surreal and mind blowing process God carved out for a woman to sustain and deliver life into the world. I am very privileged to do this three times and I will never forget how blessed I am as I have so many friends that struggle greatly with fertility.

So here we are. A family of five figuring things out. We aren’t in any semblance of a rhythm. I am insanely sleep deprived. The older two are driving me nuts with their fighting and whining. But man…what a life we have. Ryan and I marvel at our journey to this point. Where our marriage has dipped and then set back on a high place. We are far from perfect…but we are so aware of all that God has redeemed over the last few years and we sit with grateful hearts in this little cottage we live in.

Rhett is holding steady at 7.5 weeks of barely crying and being the easiest baby in the world to read. I literally forget he is around most of the day because he is so non-demanding of me.

We are blessed. Enjoy a few more photos of his first 7 weeks on this earth starting with his 5 day old photoshoot by Sara Ernst.

one week old

two weeks old

three weeks old

7 weeks old- all smiles and awesomeness

Thanks for reading, thanks for caring.

To God be the Glory.

A long legged beauty with dimples, unending imaginary play and deep thoughts has emerged. I wrote a sentimental post last year with lots of pictures of her growing up for anyone wanting to see her transformation from rolly polly Chloe to this brunette stunner.

Instead of lamenting about the past I sit here today with eager anticipation for the future. I can hardly believe the thoughts this child has about the world, God and others. She has a way of articulating her feelings or creating magical worlds of fairies, princesses, and unicorns that astound me. She is both highly literal and yet uber abstract and creative. From sentence to sentence I have no idea what will tumble out of her mouth or what she will plead for me to role play with her.

For anyone who has watched the “Anne of Green Gables” series you would have a good grasp on what Chloe is like. One on one she will talk your ear off and invite you into her world. In a crowd she can be a social coin toss from indifferent to charming. I’m realizing the older she gets the more she is a quality time/one on one child. Crowds overwhelm her fast and cause her to retreat. It’s been an interesting process as a parent to accept each child you are given…quirks and all…and embrace the dynamic they do bring into the family. Chloe and I are quite different. She is so much like Ryan it is scary at times….but man do I love and adore this little wonder. My Chloe, my only girl.

Although Chloe asked for a birthday party that included such things as “purple, pink, glitter, princesses, rainbows, hearts, stars, and unicorns.” I exercised my right as her mom to trump her requests for a party where a craft store exploded all over the walls and decided to revisit my oversized pinwheels I made for the One Little Dove Shoot. I know I have precious few years where I can take the wheel on themes and so I ran with the pinwheel one again.

This time I made miniature pinwheels for the cupcakes to mimic the larger ones on the wall. By far, the mini’s are MUCH more tedious and difficult to make than the large pinwheels. I felt like I was going to have blisters all over my hands from the glue gun for days. They came out adorable even if four year olds can’t come close to appreciating their aesthetic.

My mom played resident nail stylist for all our princesses that arrived at the party.

My niece painted faces.

Chloe waiting patiently for her nails to be done.

Decorating door hangers.

Getting ready for cupcakes and singing.

Ignore my crazy expression.

Presents!

One of her presents for her birthday was a special afternoon out at my friends farm. There are two horses taking up residence there. I figure if I can’t give my daughter her favorite mythical creature of a unicorn, I can certainly let her frolick with some horses! SHE WAS IN HEAVEN!!!! Kid in a candy store.

Can I say that she donated over 12 inches of this amazing hair a few weeks ago to Locks of Love. So proud of her but man do I miss that gorgeous mane!

She felt SOOOO old leading the pony into his stall.

The best!!! Nail polish for horse hooves, hilarious.

Working out in the exercise pen.

My carefree, magical beauty. I can’t wait to see what this year has in store for her.

This is Daisy, she is another gorgeous blue-eyed beauty that makes a few cameo shots!

There are glimpses of a carefree teenager in there.

I kind of love this shot Ryan snagged when he was changing lenses. I’m sure it isn’t the first or last time anyone has done this, but it is intriguing nonetheless.

So what has turned out to be one of our favorite shots of the year was a total and utter collaborative “what if” moment. I saw this random two foot dead patch of feathery weeds. It called out to me “Kelly…..USE ME!” I told Ryan we needed to use these weeds somehow. Natalia was game to lay her head in the rapidly shedding and flecking dried up weeds. I broke off some branches and laid them around her face, Ryan executed the shot and VOILA!!!! She looks like a fairy princess emerging from the ground. There is so much depth and the intensity of her eyes just sucks you in You would never know she is laying in this tiny patch of weeds in a horse pasture in broad day light. LOVE IT!

Another spin on it.

Last outfit change of the evening….rapidly falling temperatures.

I promise, she really does have a light side to her she is just so dang amazing at doing the intense poses and looks.

We set up some lighting at sunset to round out the night under this awesome tree.

I love with this next series. I wanted some movement and freedom. She was a jumping queen for us! Go Talia!

Did you have to remind yourself over and over SIXTEEN AND A HALF????? I can’t wait to see what 17 brings for out next shoot! Amazing job Natalia, we love you!

Sara and Todd have become some of our favorite people to hang out with. We laugh ourselves silly and yet have always enjoyed meaty conversations about marriage, family and the Lord. We just love them and can’t say enough about the stellar character of this couple.

We knew she was up for a real challenge with our two gems. Bennett can be fairly cooperative with the camera but Chloe is flat out disinterested in anything having to do with photos. It is beyond frustrating to take photos of them. After 2 years of Bennett being around we still never managed to get one photo of the two of them together. I kid you not. You will see Sara’s brilliance literally emerge through these photographs as she worked her magic and broke through their stubborn disinterest and pulled out some amazing candids and some fabulous posed shots. Enjoy the two greatest things we have ever done.

Not the most enthused about photos being done.

The picture of cooperation.

slightly better

Success

One money shot of both looking and BOTH smiling. It is Portnoy history. I was hoping for one and we got it! Sarah and Cookie the dog on her head were a magical team.

We tried to recreate a picture that Ryan’s brother shot almost three years ago. It is blown up in our house and one of my favorites!

Unfortunately, Chloe managed to be a Class A Poophead and not cooperate. Okay, I’ll admit, it is kinda funny and really adorable.

Because we can and it is glorious.

Time to wrangle them into their next outfit change. As if it wasn’t hot enough.

I’m going to break you into the cuteness a little at a time.

Yes, she is 3.5 and her hair is that amazing. This kid is follicley blessed.

A moment of sharing, this is definitely worth documenting.

I’m obviously unaware of the next photo. This is the major inside joke between us and Sara. She used to have a Facebook profile picture that was sorta squatted down like this. When we were taking their pictures in the fall Ryan kept leaning down like this taking shots to make them laugh and poke fun at Sarah. His four foot long legs look like a praying mantis so somehow along the way of joking the move got coined as “The Pantis”. Now Sara and Todd refer to us as the Pantis’s. There, now you are in the loop, don’t you feel special?

Love this one of Bennett

I have to end with these last two because they make me smile and laugh and thank the Lord I got a girl! She is obsessed with wearing my heels and is amazingly coordinated at wearing them around even on brick!

Sara, I could never do what you do and these were my kids. Your patience, humor and encouragement during the hours we spent together were incredible. You are so insanely dear to us. We love you and Todd so much and look forward to the next double date with you guys. This time, don’t get all dramatic and break your foot again :-)

I have been trying so hard to keep the paci tucked away for as much of the day as possible, but there are some days I can’t bear the whining and the begging. Today was one of those days. Unlike a nice, compassionate mother who would heed to his cry for relief and soothing, I pulled the camera out. Join me on the journey will you?

This is Bennett “Shakespeare” Portnoy, what a looker.

This is Bennett happy, putting out the vibe while organizing his cars. So happy, carefree, what could be wrong?

But wait…Bennett just remembered he hasn’t cried in the last five minutes.

But “Curious George” is on and he would have to break away to do his full on tantrum for his paci. Bennett is rocking his “grouper mouth” as Ryan calls it. I am sure you think we are horrible parents for all our nicknames. We do it behind their backs so it is okay. (wink!)

Yup it is worth missing George, my teeth hurt. “PAHHHHHHCI over dere” ( I would like it to be known he was sitting on my legs and I was laying on my back holding the camera up in the air hoping I was in focus….jackpot!)

“PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!”

“PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!”

“Over DERE!!!!!”

“MAMA (whimpering begins)”

Wait for it

Wait for it

Wait for it

There it is

and here come the real tears

Before you send hate mail, I did put the camera down and give him his paci…but these gems are priceless to look back on! I mean if you knew how many times a day this little routine played out you would actually feel sorry for me.

On a lighter note I do think I should get an award for creating the most ghetto craft ever! Chloe asked if she could be a unicorn like her favorite stuffed animal. Unicorn…right….okay…..construction paper, tape, scissors, how hard can it be?

Kids will wear ANYTHING!!! I could not stop laughing at them and they loved it! I would also like you to know that the elastic on their heads was cut from the fetal monitor straps I kept after labor thinking “This is good elastic, I should keep this.” I consider it tipping my hat to the earth today and living green. HAHA…man I am the farthest thing from green but I did laugh at my “recycling” today.

At least one kid was in a good mood today.

What a goob…love her!

There you go…that is the art of crying by Bennett! Hope you enjoyed spending the morning with us. If you see Bennett sitting on the curb with a bow on his head, now you know what you are getting in to!