Someone needs to get on the healthy train.
Posted by: Ali Walker Photography | August 19th, 2010
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Remember when I said I was going to make this place more personal?
Well, this is one of those posts.
I went to the doctor earlier this week for a routine checkup. It had been about a year since I was last year. I arrived on time, was weighed, and was seated in the exam room, waiting patiently for Doc to see me after the nurse had confirmed that my blood pressure was just dandy. The doc, who I really like for his gentle, no-nonsense demeanor, walked in and sat down.
“How are things?”
“Oh, fine.”
“I see you’ve gained some weight since you were in last year.”
*gulp*
And at this point I broke down and sobbed. Up until this point, I had trying to pretend that I really hadn’t gained much. But my doctor bringing this up right away was like getting my head abruptly yanked out of the sand. Facts are facts and a medical professional was confronting the fact that I have been gaining some unnecessary poundage.
For some, gaining weight is a good thing. I’ve never been in that position. No, my body is happiest existing in the pleasantly chubby realm and has been since I was a preteen. Since moving to Walla Walla, I’ve added some 20 pounds to my small-boned, 5′4″ frame. That was on top of some extra chub I already had.
I don’t know why I’m talking about this here; probably because it’s weighing heavily on my mind (no pun intended). I’m 35 years old. I’m not getting any younger and it’s a funny thing how controlling one’s weight gets more and more difficult as one grows older. Those pesky metabolic slow downs, you know.
I’m terrified of gaining any more weight and I’m not happy with where my body is now (neither is my doctor), so clearly I’m going to have to make some changes.
I’ve got a big container full of single-digit sized clothes I fit into three years ago before I started my ascent into the double-digit-sized clothes I’m now resigned to wear. I desperately want to get back into those. But I know from past experience that if I make this process all about my looks, I get resentful and rebel.
For me, It has to be about getting healthy. About focusing on positive change. About finding new activities to do with friends that don’t always involve food and wine. About moving more. About more fresh fruits and veggies and less simple carbs. About feeling good and approaching the experience focused on the positive (what I CAN do and CAN have) instead of the negative. About being gentle and loving to myself.
In other words, it’s can’t be driven by all the loathesome feelings I have towards my body as it is now because there’s nothing productive or positive about that.
I’m still mulling on my rules and boundaries for this process, but I am going to try to keep it simple (eat less, move more, and be kind to myself).
I’m getting my healthy train on.
I can do this.
